no turning back

Before knowing
struggle is my day
stress is my norm
resistance my way
blame my defense
control my security
hope is my comfort
happiness is my wishing
uncertainty is my fear
death is my avoidance
and
survival, my insurance

Upon knowing
struggle is not facing
stress is not accepting
resistance is not wanting
blame is ignoring
control is lacking
hope is not present
happiness is expectation met
uncertainty is not willing
death is fear of loosing
and
survival is grasping

Upon realisation
it’s impossible to ignore
nor sweeping under the carpet
no more pushing away a reality
no way of wanting it otherwise
no running away
no possibility of escaping
no more giving up
except
to face what is unable to be faced
to meet my own baggage
to address my guilt
to see thru my demons
to rectify my views
to come to complete honesty
with my mind
As in…
no turning back